I remember the cheer, the scream that comes from the audience, the calls, and the whistle sound as if something important has started. I remember the fresh scent of grass and the ominous scent of sweat. I remember the sweat, the saliva, the pain in my thumbs, the pain in my toes, and the bruises on my elbow. I remember the rush, the adrenaline, the flow, and the bloodstream inside my veins. I remember the lacrosse field.
Have you ever felt like dying but you can't stop what you were doing because the rush was so amazing? You've just gone through a half-time match. You were in a lacrosse field with your teammates, waiting for your turn to come. You were sweating in that gear, including a helmet, a chestplate, an elbow gear, and gloves. Yet you can't take the gear off because you don't know when the coach is going to place you in the field. Your heart is still pounding as if it was a car engine. Your blood is flowing through your veins, you can feel it. You were ready for the next match, or were you?
A student, an ambitious student, from KMLA first found out the lacrosse on March, 2019. His plan was to practice hard for the competition in November, so he gathered his teammates. Most of his teammates were from the 23rd waver international class, but he decided to recruit some of the 24th wavers for balance. I, one of the founding members of the KMLA Lacrosse didn't have a slightest clue of what lacrosse was. It was maybe consisting a slight portion of my concern. However, after a few weeks of training, I was good at it. I was good at passing the balls, I was good at throwing the balls, and most importantly, I was fast. I was actually enjoying it. Soon, our first lacrosse coach came every Monday, and even the coach admitted that I was good at managing the balls. For the first time in my life, I felt I was at the apex of myself in terms of sports. I regularly taught the 24th wavers how to control balls and pass them precisely. I regularly practiced with my friends even though it was not an official playtime. However, something deep was growing inside me, swallowing all the lights I had in my heart. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was something else.
If you have no faith in yourself, you collapse quicker than any other circumstances. This quote, read in a narrative book in the earlier days, suited my situation. I had no faith in myself. Maybe it was fear. Fear that I might be not as great as others think I am. The smallest thoughts, sparked by the smallest incident can grow quickly like a tumor. This fear, sparked by an unknown trigger, was overwhelming me. It was tearing my mental condition apart so that I couldn't concentrate on the practice plans. Of course, I did not show my concerns to others. It would be too deceptive, right? But the only one I trusted in terms of lacrosse, was the coach. He was a friendly guy, a friendly mentor, and a friendly coach. He even resembled me of my uncle. His words, as I spoke to him, rang my bell. He had the talent to persuade me, the other coaches, and even the officials.
The lacrosse field is full of people. You are watching the vast field, filled with players trying to take the ball. Hitting other players with a stick is no big deal. Your coach calls your name, and you enter the game, assisting 2 goals and cheering up the team. You have overcome your fear.
